I just want to take a moment and get "naked" before you. First thing, I love the Lord, I'm in love with the Lord, I can't live with out Him! I am desperate for Him, I want the world to be in love with Him and to have a passionate relationship with Him. I'm not satisfied with the portion of God I have, I want more, more love, more fire, more faith, just more of Christ and His Spirit! I am also desperate to see revival spring out in this nation! I find myself asking God...Why aren't things changing? Why don't we see more deliverance? Where is the revival? Pour out Your Spirit!!!
Now I'm not some sort of "spiritual super being" I'm just me...Sam. The only thing that sets me apart from non-believers is the grace of God, by the blood of Jesus Christ, that covers me. I'm no better and in some cases I'm worse than some of those outside of the covenant with Jesus. I am not perfect by far, I still struggle with so much crap: pride, arrogance, lust, judgment, hate, self hatred, anger and the list goes on and on. The thing is that though I'm not perfect, I am striving towards perfection. I want to be just like Jesus! I want to love like He loves, give like He gives and does the Father's will as He does the Father's will, I want God to say to me, "Well done My good and faithful servant."
This is all good and well and sounds very good. The problem is that I often don't come off that way, mostly cause I still have a ton of junk I am have to get rid of in my own heart. I am all to quick to point the finger in others directions, partly cause I see there is an issue and I do want people to have the fullness, but mostly it is an issue of feeling inadequate in my own relationship. I also have problems with my mouth, anyone who has known me for longer than a week can attest to that! I am forward and often say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I lack discernment to know that now may not be the moment for that word.
Lately I have been extremely frustrated with things. I feel like God has me trapped and perhaps He does and for a reason. I keep hearing Him say, "If you are the only one, will you be faithful?" Of coarse my initial response is, "Anything for You Daddy!" But suddenly I find that I am the only one and I feel lost and put off by others and more so rejected. It's like I'm banging my head against the wall to no travail. Then people ask, "So why do you do it?" Simply put, it's where He has me for now!
Funny how God will give you the very thing you pray for. For me and a friend it was the unlovable. We stood there and cried out, "God, give us the unlovable and unwanted!" What did He do, He did just that. When I have to deal with them, my first response is to turn my back on them and say see ya, you are too difficult with me. Then God slaps me in the face and says,"Look at your own self, you yourself are difficult and used to be unwanted" and in many circles you still are unwanted and unloved.
I also struggle with that superior feeling. That Pharisaical spirit. God releases revelation knowledge, I have an amazing word, He gives me a dance, I have an anointed time of intercession or just a sweet time of worship and suddenly it's like I'm the Beverly Hills of Christians! Then I get smacked in the face with how ugly and filthy I really am and it knocks me down so hard, it is often difficult to get back up, so I beat myself up instead. Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" The simple truth is that I'm no better or worse than anyone else and nobody else is any better or worse than me, no matter what the circumstance. By our own devices we are all wicked and we don't even know it!
But the good news is the news of Jesus Christ! John 1 says:
John 1:1-4 (New King James Version)
The Eternal Word
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.
This is talking about Jesus, He was from the very beginning, well the non-existent beginning, He has always been. He is God, yet He humbled Himself to come to earth and be the promise, live the same life that you and I live, the same issues and temptations and struggles, the only difference is that He never sinned and we do. He then humbled Himself even further to not only be taken to Golgotha and hung there on that cross, but to fore go being stripped naked, beaten till He was almost unrecognizable and then lead to the cross. He took on the sins of the world that day, there.
This didn't come as a surprise to Him. He had you on His mind in the very beginning of time. He knew that He would go to the cross from the first breath of Adam. He knew that one day you would be born into sin, with an inheritance of death. He knows the exactly what road you will take and how you will respond to Him and His love. Nothing surprises Him. He was thinking of you when He decided to go to the cross and suffer such a horrible death, He was thinking of you as He conquered death and the grave. More importantly, He counted you worthy, worthy to die for. No matter what your response to Him is, He counts you worthy to die for. He loves you!
See I am nothing special, just filthy rags covered with the blood of Jesus. I am going to make mistakes and plenty of them, but there is grace in His love. That is the call Christ has given to me, grace, love My people in grace and mercy. Sometimes that may mean that people will take advantage of you and you may get run over and worn out. But never give up on Me cause I never give up on you!
I love you all! I just wanted you to know a bit more of the real me!!
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