I recently got a book called, RAZOR'S EDGE by Bob Armstrong. Bob is an amazing man with a heart after God, he has served the Lord in many different capacities in many different countries. I had the wonderful pleasure of having a rather close relationship with Mr. Armstrong for a year... Unfortunately we had to meet at the Federal Prison Camp in Estill, SC.
When I received his book, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, Bob is a very brilliant man and most unpredictable! It didn't take long for me to see that this was about his experience in prison. The further I got into the book, the more I realized just how different our experiences were. For example, I was in prison because I had done illegal things with people's information. He on the other hand was in a business with a dishonest man and sadly enough both had to pay the price for the work of one man.
I want to open the door a little bit more into what life is like behind the barbed wire. My journey really began in Miami in January of 2006. I was a total cocaine addict and would snort basically anything that was powder. I was up to an eight ball a day (3 1/2 grams). I was also a raging alcoholic, I did the drugs not only to have a good time, but also to stay coherent enough to work and just live. I was a mess, an expensive mess.
One day a guy who I worked with invited me out for a drink after work. He asked me if I wanted to make some extra money and of coarse I said, "YES!" He let me in on his "little secret" to making extra cash. All I had to do was collect and share people's information. In fact I didn't even need to know the information, just collect and transport. Easy right? I was thinking, Man! This will pay for all the drugs I want, every night is going to be fabulous!
That lasted about 3 months and I had had enough. I was so overtaken by guilt, I just couldn't stand myself any longer. I was also out of control, I hated myself and my life. I remember being in the bathroom at work smoking crystal meth and I looked into the mirror and remembered the 16 year old kid who wanted to be a minister. Where had he gone? Who was I? Where was God?
I moved back home to Fernandina, Florida in April of 2006. My life was in total shambles. Praise God that my brother, James and my sister-in-law Jessica took me in and put up with me. I soon found a job and things were getting better. I had started to come back to church a little and I was beginning to play around with the idea of God being real and out there somewhere. In about 3 months I was to a point where I was able to move out on my own again.
I was doing "good" for a while, I was clean, sober and even managed to quite smoking. It just wasn't lasting, without Christ! It reminds me of Matthew 12:43-45
43"When an evil[f] spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
This is the condition of trying on our own to fix the problem without Christ. I started smoking and then drinking and finally drugs all over. I was still attending church, often still drunk and high from the previous night. It was all a game, but little did I know that God was about to invade my life...with His love!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Independant Loaners
Independence and liberty are two of the most important things to most nations, whether or not individually we realize it. Nations rise and fall all for the pursuit of independence and liberty. That is a desire that God gave us and rightly so, the only problem is that independence and liberty with out God is a perversion. We have to be solely dependent on God to gain independence, we have to stand under God's authority to gain liberty. All through the blood of Jesus! Praise God!
What is spurring this thought of liberty and independence is how we have compartmentalized ourselves as a Body, notice the word there, Body. We, together corporately are the Body, not individually. We have divided ourselves based on trivial things, you like contemporary music go here, you like hymnals go there, you believe this and I believe that, so instead of coming together on the thing that makes us the same, Christ, we separate. Look around you at all the little and big independent "churches," I'm not judging them or anything, I'm actively involved in a "church," I use the word church in this way because we are just a tiny part of His Church, we aren't by ourselves the Church only together in unity are we the Church.
Romans 12:4-6 (New International Version)
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.
Let me reemphasize the fact that this is an unfolding revelation to me and not in judgement, I desire for us to come together in unity! The enemy is working very hard to keep us divided for one simple reason...
Matthew 12:25
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
Mark 3:25
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
So what he is doing is telling us your better than them because your worship leader is "more anointed" or can sing better. Then we buy into it and divide ourselves to chase our own thing and we forget the word or the dream in the beginning! With all this happening we begin to look at one another with some sort of spiritual superiority, like we are bigger and better, just like the Pharisee's. Then comes the harsh judgement and the back biting and the slander, especially when something happens and some one "falls" or something.
The Church corporately is a joke to most Americans. We think that it is because all these people have made mistakes and made us look bad. We are sadly mistaken, just read the Bible, read about David, Solomon. Division is what is made us a joke. That one that "fell," were we praying for them and lifting them up with blessings before the "fall?" We can't come together on anything but attacking our brother whenever they do make a mistake. Let's begin to come together! You have a dream and lack the resources? I know I do. But if we come together and share our dreams, visions, and resources think about how much more we can accomplish! No longer will we be crushed by the weight of trying to carry it all by ourselves, when we weren't created for that. We will be able to do greater things, bigger things, if run together.
God has given me a huge dream and a bigger vision! It is exciting and exhilarating. At the same time, I have some great restrictions, I have an 80,000 dollar debt for a mistake I made, I can't find a full time job, everything I have is either given or loaned to me and the list goes on. Looking at all this it is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I know that I serve the God of the universe, the One who spoke it all into existence and nothing is outside of His control and He is a good Father, who desires to give us good gifts. Do I really think that He is going to pour money from heaven on me and let me try to run this thing alone? No. The fact of the matter is that when God first called His people Israel, they were one clan, one people. God was their king and ruler, but they wanted a man to rule over them and He gave them the desire of their heart, even though it wasn't His will and look what happened.... Division! Then when Christ came and gave the great commission and the first apostles went out they again began to bring the Body together in unity, every one bringing all they own together to care for one another, no one was without, all needs were met. That is how He designed it...Ecclesia- an assembly of citizens, this is the Greek word for church working together in koinonia- fellowship, actually sharing their lives in a covenant relationship, a brotherhood.
Acts 2:42 (New International Version)
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
Beloved, I pray that this might pierce our stony hearts and move us towards one another, let's cut covenant and run together. Let's see what God can do when His people move together as one people!
Deuteronomy 32:30
How could one chase a thousand,
And two put ten thousand to flight,
Unless their Rock had sold them,
And the LORD had surrendered them?
What is spurring this thought of liberty and independence is how we have compartmentalized ourselves as a Body, notice the word there, Body. We, together corporately are the Body, not individually. We have divided ourselves based on trivial things, you like contemporary music go here, you like hymnals go there, you believe this and I believe that, so instead of coming together on the thing that makes us the same, Christ, we separate. Look around you at all the little and big independent "churches," I'm not judging them or anything, I'm actively involved in a "church," I use the word church in this way because we are just a tiny part of His Church, we aren't by ourselves the Church only together in unity are we the Church.
Romans 12:4-6 (New International Version)
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.
Let me reemphasize the fact that this is an unfolding revelation to me and not in judgement, I desire for us to come together in unity! The enemy is working very hard to keep us divided for one simple reason...
Matthew 12:25
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
Mark 3:25
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
So what he is doing is telling us your better than them because your worship leader is "more anointed" or can sing better. Then we buy into it and divide ourselves to chase our own thing and we forget the word or the dream in the beginning! With all this happening we begin to look at one another with some sort of spiritual superiority, like we are bigger and better, just like the Pharisee's. Then comes the harsh judgement and the back biting and the slander, especially when something happens and some one "falls" or something.
The Church corporately is a joke to most Americans. We think that it is because all these people have made mistakes and made us look bad. We are sadly mistaken, just read the Bible, read about David, Solomon. Division is what is made us a joke. That one that "fell," were we praying for them and lifting them up with blessings before the "fall?" We can't come together on anything but attacking our brother whenever they do make a mistake. Let's begin to come together! You have a dream and lack the resources? I know I do. But if we come together and share our dreams, visions, and resources think about how much more we can accomplish! No longer will we be crushed by the weight of trying to carry it all by ourselves, when we weren't created for that. We will be able to do greater things, bigger things, if run together.
God has given me a huge dream and a bigger vision! It is exciting and exhilarating. At the same time, I have some great restrictions, I have an 80,000 dollar debt for a mistake I made, I can't find a full time job, everything I have is either given or loaned to me and the list goes on. Looking at all this it is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I know that I serve the God of the universe, the One who spoke it all into existence and nothing is outside of His control and He is a good Father, who desires to give us good gifts. Do I really think that He is going to pour money from heaven on me and let me try to run this thing alone? No. The fact of the matter is that when God first called His people Israel, they were one clan, one people. God was their king and ruler, but they wanted a man to rule over them and He gave them the desire of their heart, even though it wasn't His will and look what happened.... Division! Then when Christ came and gave the great commission and the first apostles went out they again began to bring the Body together in unity, every one bringing all they own together to care for one another, no one was without, all needs were met. That is how He designed it...Ecclesia- an assembly of citizens, this is the Greek word for church working together in koinonia- fellowship, actually sharing their lives in a covenant relationship, a brotherhood.
Acts 2:42 (New International Version)
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
Beloved, I pray that this might pierce our stony hearts and move us towards one another, let's cut covenant and run together. Let's see what God can do when His people move together as one people!
Deuteronomy 32:30
How could one chase a thousand,
And two put ten thousand to flight,
Unless their Rock had sold them,
And the LORD had surrendered them?
Judgment!!! Can We Handle It?
In today’s culture judgment is ingrained in us, everywhere you look, there are even entire programs devoted to judging and judgment. While God gave us judgment for good we have once again perverted it and use it incorrectly. God gave us judgment for accountability and to spur us into prayer. We must be careful of the things we are judging, they are usually the very things we struggle with.
The Word of God says not to judge according to one’s appearance in John 7:24 “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” The people in Jesus’ time were having a difficult time really believing that He was the Christ. They were expecting some big, fancy political leader to come and establish a kingdom in this world. They were not expecting the son of a carpenter from a little fishing town like Galilee. See in their incorrect judgment of the appearance, many missed the truth of who He really was and still is.
Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that you are not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. That makes it very clear, with the same ruler we use to judge other people, we will get judged. That is a tough pill to swallow for me because of the harsh way that I have judged people. In our attempt to make ourselves feel better or look better, we are down right nasty! God made us all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, style, taste, appearance and talents. This year I started watching American Idol for the first time. Here is the thing though, no matter what we may think of those people up there doing their best, God loves them and He loves the way they look and sing. In fact He loves the way all of us look and sing and well do everything else we do and that makes us all pretty equal in my book.
I absolutely love John 8 and my favorite part of that text is the very beginning. There is Jesus going alone to the Mount of Olives to pray no doubt. When He returns to the temple the scribes and Pharisees approach Him with a woman who was just caught in the “very act” of adultery. The law says that she is to be stoned in Leviticus 20:10 so they wanted to see what Jesus would do about this situation, they were trying to trick Him. This is so cool, when they threw this at Him he just stooped down and began to write something in the sand in His cool, calm and collective way. He didn’t say anything for some time and then He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” They were all convicted and left from the oldest to the youngest. Then He tells the woman that she is free to go cause no one accuses her and then He tells her to go and sin no more. Awesome! In this text we really get a good feel for how we are to respond to the world, love and compassion, setting captives free not condemning like the Pharisees’ and religious leaders of the day.
He continues later in the text in John 8:15-16 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one. And yet if I do judge, My judgment is true; for I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent Me. He shows us first by action what we are doing wrong and how to do it right then He says it, He always lives the example first. That is the most important thing is living the example. Sometimes we will be the only Bible people will look at or we’ll be the only Christ they see. We must live the example all the time or else we’ll loose them. Isaiah 58:6 tells us the “fast” that God has chosen for us is to undo the heavy burdens, let the oppressed go free and break every yoke. How can we do any of that if we are too busy judging people to get to know and love on them? So judgment....can we handle it?
The Word of God says not to judge according to one’s appearance in John 7:24 “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” The people in Jesus’ time were having a difficult time really believing that He was the Christ. They were expecting some big, fancy political leader to come and establish a kingdom in this world. They were not expecting the son of a carpenter from a little fishing town like Galilee. See in their incorrect judgment of the appearance, many missed the truth of who He really was and still is.
Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that you are not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. That makes it very clear, with the same ruler we use to judge other people, we will get judged. That is a tough pill to swallow for me because of the harsh way that I have judged people. In our attempt to make ourselves feel better or look better, we are down right nasty! God made us all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, style, taste, appearance and talents. This year I started watching American Idol for the first time. Here is the thing though, no matter what we may think of those people up there doing their best, God loves them and He loves the way they look and sing. In fact He loves the way all of us look and sing and well do everything else we do and that makes us all pretty equal in my book.
I absolutely love John 8 and my favorite part of that text is the very beginning. There is Jesus going alone to the Mount of Olives to pray no doubt. When He returns to the temple the scribes and Pharisees approach Him with a woman who was just caught in the “very act” of adultery. The law says that she is to be stoned in Leviticus 20:10 so they wanted to see what Jesus would do about this situation, they were trying to trick Him. This is so cool, when they threw this at Him he just stooped down and began to write something in the sand in His cool, calm and collective way. He didn’t say anything for some time and then He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” They were all convicted and left from the oldest to the youngest. Then He tells the woman that she is free to go cause no one accuses her and then He tells her to go and sin no more. Awesome! In this text we really get a good feel for how we are to respond to the world, love and compassion, setting captives free not condemning like the Pharisees’ and religious leaders of the day.
He continues later in the text in John 8:15-16 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one. And yet if I do judge, My judgment is true; for I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent Me. He shows us first by action what we are doing wrong and how to do it right then He says it, He always lives the example first. That is the most important thing is living the example. Sometimes we will be the only Bible people will look at or we’ll be the only Christ they see. We must live the example all the time or else we’ll loose them. Isaiah 58:6 tells us the “fast” that God has chosen for us is to undo the heavy burdens, let the oppressed go free and break every yoke. How can we do any of that if we are too busy judging people to get to know and love on them? So judgment....can we handle it?
Filthy Rags
I just want to take a moment and get "naked" before you. First thing, I love the Lord, I'm in love with the Lord, I can't live with out Him! I am desperate for Him, I want the world to be in love with Him and to have a passionate relationship with Him. I'm not satisfied with the portion of God I have, I want more, more love, more fire, more faith, just more of Christ and His Spirit! I am also desperate to see revival spring out in this nation! I find myself asking God...Why aren't things changing? Why don't we see more deliverance? Where is the revival? Pour out Your Spirit!!!
Now I'm not some sort of "spiritual super being" I'm just me...Sam. The only thing that sets me apart from non-believers is the grace of God, by the blood of Jesus Christ, that covers me. I'm no better and in some cases I'm worse than some of those outside of the covenant with Jesus. I am not perfect by far, I still struggle with so much crap: pride, arrogance, lust, judgment, hate, self hatred, anger and the list goes on and on. The thing is that though I'm not perfect, I am striving towards perfection. I want to be just like Jesus! I want to love like He loves, give like He gives and does the Father's will as He does the Father's will, I want God to say to me, "Well done My good and faithful servant."
This is all good and well and sounds very good. The problem is that I often don't come off that way, mostly cause I still have a ton of junk I am have to get rid of in my own heart. I am all to quick to point the finger in others directions, partly cause I see there is an issue and I do want people to have the fullness, but mostly it is an issue of feeling inadequate in my own relationship. I also have problems with my mouth, anyone who has known me for longer than a week can attest to that! I am forward and often say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I lack discernment to know that now may not be the moment for that word.
Lately I have been extremely frustrated with things. I feel like God has me trapped and perhaps He does and for a reason. I keep hearing Him say, "If you are the only one, will you be faithful?" Of coarse my initial response is, "Anything for You Daddy!" But suddenly I find that I am the only one and I feel lost and put off by others and more so rejected. It's like I'm banging my head against the wall to no travail. Then people ask, "So why do you do it?" Simply put, it's where He has me for now!
Funny how God will give you the very thing you pray for. For me and a friend it was the unlovable. We stood there and cried out, "God, give us the unlovable and unwanted!" What did He do, He did just that. When I have to deal with them, my first response is to turn my back on them and say see ya, you are too difficult with me. Then God slaps me in the face and says,"Look at your own self, you yourself are difficult and used to be unwanted" and in many circles you still are unwanted and unloved.
I also struggle with that superior feeling. That Pharisaical spirit. God releases revelation knowledge, I have an amazing word, He gives me a dance, I have an anointed time of intercession or just a sweet time of worship and suddenly it's like I'm the Beverly Hills of Christians! Then I get smacked in the face with how ugly and filthy I really am and it knocks me down so hard, it is often difficult to get back up, so I beat myself up instead. Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" The simple truth is that I'm no better or worse than anyone else and nobody else is any better or worse than me, no matter what the circumstance. By our own devices we are all wicked and we don't even know it!
But the good news is the news of Jesus Christ! John 1 says:
John 1:1-4 (New King James Version)
The Eternal Word
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.
This is talking about Jesus, He was from the very beginning, well the non-existent beginning, He has always been. He is God, yet He humbled Himself to come to earth and be the promise, live the same life that you and I live, the same issues and temptations and struggles, the only difference is that He never sinned and we do. He then humbled Himself even further to not only be taken to Golgotha and hung there on that cross, but to fore go being stripped naked, beaten till He was almost unrecognizable and then lead to the cross. He took on the sins of the world that day, there.
This didn't come as a surprise to Him. He had you on His mind in the very beginning of time. He knew that He would go to the cross from the first breath of Adam. He knew that one day you would be born into sin, with an inheritance of death. He knows the exactly what road you will take and how you will respond to Him and His love. Nothing surprises Him. He was thinking of you when He decided to go to the cross and suffer such a horrible death, He was thinking of you as He conquered death and the grave. More importantly, He counted you worthy, worthy to die for. No matter what your response to Him is, He counts you worthy to die for. He loves you!
See I am nothing special, just filthy rags covered with the blood of Jesus. I am going to make mistakes and plenty of them, but there is grace in His love. That is the call Christ has given to me, grace, love My people in grace and mercy. Sometimes that may mean that people will take advantage of you and you may get run over and worn out. But never give up on Me cause I never give up on you!
I love you all! I just wanted you to know a bit more of the real me!!
Now I'm not some sort of "spiritual super being" I'm just me...Sam. The only thing that sets me apart from non-believers is the grace of God, by the blood of Jesus Christ, that covers me. I'm no better and in some cases I'm worse than some of those outside of the covenant with Jesus. I am not perfect by far, I still struggle with so much crap: pride, arrogance, lust, judgment, hate, self hatred, anger and the list goes on and on. The thing is that though I'm not perfect, I am striving towards perfection. I want to be just like Jesus! I want to love like He loves, give like He gives and does the Father's will as He does the Father's will, I want God to say to me, "Well done My good and faithful servant."
This is all good and well and sounds very good. The problem is that I often don't come off that way, mostly cause I still have a ton of junk I am have to get rid of in my own heart. I am all to quick to point the finger in others directions, partly cause I see there is an issue and I do want people to have the fullness, but mostly it is an issue of feeling inadequate in my own relationship. I also have problems with my mouth, anyone who has known me for longer than a week can attest to that! I am forward and often say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I lack discernment to know that now may not be the moment for that word.
Lately I have been extremely frustrated with things. I feel like God has me trapped and perhaps He does and for a reason. I keep hearing Him say, "If you are the only one, will you be faithful?" Of coarse my initial response is, "Anything for You Daddy!" But suddenly I find that I am the only one and I feel lost and put off by others and more so rejected. It's like I'm banging my head against the wall to no travail. Then people ask, "So why do you do it?" Simply put, it's where He has me for now!
Funny how God will give you the very thing you pray for. For me and a friend it was the unlovable. We stood there and cried out, "God, give us the unlovable and unwanted!" What did He do, He did just that. When I have to deal with them, my first response is to turn my back on them and say see ya, you are too difficult with me. Then God slaps me in the face and says,"Look at your own self, you yourself are difficult and used to be unwanted" and in many circles you still are unwanted and unloved.
I also struggle with that superior feeling. That Pharisaical spirit. God releases revelation knowledge, I have an amazing word, He gives me a dance, I have an anointed time of intercession or just a sweet time of worship and suddenly it's like I'm the Beverly Hills of Christians! Then I get smacked in the face with how ugly and filthy I really am and it knocks me down so hard, it is often difficult to get back up, so I beat myself up instead. Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" The simple truth is that I'm no better or worse than anyone else and nobody else is any better or worse than me, no matter what the circumstance. By our own devices we are all wicked and we don't even know it!
But the good news is the news of Jesus Christ! John 1 says:
John 1:1-4 (New King James Version)
The Eternal Word
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.
This is talking about Jesus, He was from the very beginning, well the non-existent beginning, He has always been. He is God, yet He humbled Himself to come to earth and be the promise, live the same life that you and I live, the same issues and temptations and struggles, the only difference is that He never sinned and we do. He then humbled Himself even further to not only be taken to Golgotha and hung there on that cross, but to fore go being stripped naked, beaten till He was almost unrecognizable and then lead to the cross. He took on the sins of the world that day, there.
This didn't come as a surprise to Him. He had you on His mind in the very beginning of time. He knew that He would go to the cross from the first breath of Adam. He knew that one day you would be born into sin, with an inheritance of death. He knows the exactly what road you will take and how you will respond to Him and His love. Nothing surprises Him. He was thinking of you when He decided to go to the cross and suffer such a horrible death, He was thinking of you as He conquered death and the grave. More importantly, He counted you worthy, worthy to die for. No matter what your response to Him is, He counts you worthy to die for. He loves you!
See I am nothing special, just filthy rags covered with the blood of Jesus. I am going to make mistakes and plenty of them, but there is grace in His love. That is the call Christ has given to me, grace, love My people in grace and mercy. Sometimes that may mean that people will take advantage of you and you may get run over and worn out. But never give up on Me cause I never give up on you!
I love you all! I just wanted you to know a bit more of the real me!!
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