So begins the 6+ hour drive from Yulee to Miami, Florida. I had a lot of time to think about life, death and everything in between on this drive. There is nothing to sober you up like a ride to a federal court house to hear a judge decide your future! I did a lot of praying that day, funny thing about being in the middle of a crisis, you finally are in a humbled position to truly see your lack and find your need for God!
My sister-in-law Jessica endured this entire process with me, praise God for my family, full of love, grace and mercy! She had found a decent hotel not too far from the courthouse and mapped out the area and did what she does best, planned this trip for us on the fly! I was in such a daze on that ride that I don't even remember the drive, I can't even remember if it was me that drove or not. All I remember is crying out to God for help and peace!
Finally we made it to the hotel, unpacked our small luggage and set out to find the courthouse and finalize our plans for the following day. Rest that night actually came quickly, somehow I had managed to find true peace in the midst of the storm, to be honest I have no idea how that happened. In fact it was really just God's mercy allowing His peace to flow over me, there was no 10-step process that brought me here, it was by the sheer mercy of the Father!
We awoke early that morning and enjoyed breakfast together at the hotel, Jessica really reached out to me in this time of my life, totally undeserved, she showed me the love of Christ! After breakfast and a quick stop at Starbucks for a little fuel we began the 8 block walk to the federal courthouse, in what felt like slow motion. There was little conversation between the two of us and a lot of conversation with God. There again, He becomes so important to us when we are in a time of crisis!
We arrived to this beautiful, old building and were greeted by federal security, this one was very helpful and pleasant, which usually isn't the case! While waiting outside the courthouse Jessica was approached by several lawyers with greetings of esteem, I guess the way she was dressed and her professional look they assumed she was a fellow bar member! Finally the doors swung open and we were escorted inside where I met Mrs. Faith Meznikoff, my Public Defender to be. She was a very kind woman who offered much council to Jessica and myself.
There were many people there including a large group all chained together in shackles, everyone of them illegal immigrants. I heard cases of all types, from drug smuggling to human trafficking to just expired visas and women trying to have their babies in this country for better lives. My mind was wondering on all the cases I listen to drifting in and out of the courthouse, when suddenly... Samuel Forbes, docket number : 07-20876-CR-MARTINEZ. My case had been called, let the sweat begin!
"What is your legal name?" Asked Judge Martinez. Oh my, what is my name... "Uhm uhm uhm, Samuel Andrew Forbes," I said in a faint whisper. "Sir could you speak into the microphone?" Said Judge Martinez. "Sorry, Samuel Andrew Forbes"
He continued to ask several questions as to my identity, as if someone else had come in my place that day, man I wish! Then after a few minutes Mrs. Meznikoff stepped into the picture and I had no more to say, she took over for me. Praise God! I was totally unprepared for this. I have no idea what was spoken between them that day, all I know is that my turn was over and I was being escorted out of the courtroom by federal marshalls, who were taking me to processing. I still wasn't sure if they were going to let me go.
They took us down a long hall and down three flights of stairs to a door, where I was asked to remove my tie, belt, watch and my life band. The marshall informed Jessica that they were just going to process me and then I'd be free to go, did you hear that, free to go! They assured her this would only take no more than 30min. So in I went.
When I got in they asked my name and told me to wait on this bench. So I took a seat and waited, thanking God that I would be going home today! And there I sat and waited and waited and waited some more. Evidently several vans and a bus had arrived with prisoners in transit, so the processing had to wait until all were transferred safely. There was a little scuffle between two inmates and some very vulgar exchanges between a female and some male inmates. So for my safety I was moved to a small room until all the others were brought through. What was to be a 30 minute process ended up an almost 4 hour process, but finally I was processed and released!
Wow, what a long day, we were going for about 12 hours by the time we had lunch, which ended up being our dinner too! And now it was time for the drive home, to go back to work the following day! God's had was all over this, He was putting things in motion, to bring about a miracle for me! He was declaring Jehovah-Jireh over me that day!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Beginning Of The End
Monday finally had rolled around and it was time for me to go to the Secret Service office in Jacksonville and turn myself in. Wow! This was really happening! I drove the hour drive to the office and went inside the building, the next hour or so I spent cuffed to a chair and table, both hands and feet. We finished the appropriate paperwork and headed to another room where, I was digitally finger printed, weighed and my stats we taken all at once(aside from the situation that part was really cool); it felt like CSI! But the reality was beginning to set in, this was happening!
The time had come to make the transfer to the Federal Court House, which was across town. I was cuffed and lead to the side entrance of the building where another agent had a SUV waiting for us. I was lead in the back and given a type of "rights" that I'd never heard before. The agent that sat in the back with me held his gun to me and asked me if I planned to injure him or his partner, to which I replied, NO! Then he informed me if I tried to do anything, he would shoot me on the spot and that it would be in protection of his and his partners safety. I had never heard of this one before, but you don't argue with a man who is pointing a gun at you, which he kept pointed at me the entire 30 minute drive. That was a blast...NOT!
When we arrived to the Federal Building, I was escorted to a holding cell, which is basically a room with a bench all the way along three sides of the room and a toilet in the corner. So I had nothing to do but wait, this I would soon learn was the way of the Feds, wait! I had arrived at the Secret Service office at 7am and was escorted to the Federal Building by 9am. I was waiting to see the Judge for an arraignment which basically means that I get to hear what I'm charged with and what my rights are. Then I would be transferred to Miami, where the case originated. So there I waited and prayed and praised. A lot of things were going through my head at that time, but most of the things were prayers of thanksgiving that the situation wasn't worse. For example, the Secret Service didn't have to let me turn myself in, they could have had the Marshalls come and storm my house and get me like a fugitive, which I would soon find out is very common.
So I waited and waited and waited. At some point I had actually fell asleep, well passed out would be a better term for it. But when I opened my eyes next there was a Mexican man sitting across from me, starring at me. Then he smiled, a toothless smile at me and said, Hola. I merely replied Hola and began to pray again. Now I was praying that this man doesn't go crazy and attack me. But suddenly God began to speak to me and show me that He loves this man too, so I began to pray for peace in his life. But I was still worried that this guy might want to hurt me in some way! Man, judgment comes so easily for me!
After and eternity, a man in a suit comes out into the hall and calls for me. I stand and am re-shackled and led into the courtroom. We are literally underground, there are no windows and no clocks, I have no idea what time of day it is or anything. All I do know is that it has been forever, I haven't eaten at all today, I haven't had anything to drink since 7am and I don't know if I'll ever make it home. I
I walk in and sit where the man tells me to sit and there in front of me is a very high bench with a judge sitting there glaring at me, yet another criminal. I wasn't prepped for this and had no lawyer, I was totally lost. Yet in that moment, I wasn't afraid, I felt warm and peaceful. The judge uttered some very official words in a language foreign to me, English, yet foreign. I would later find out that those words were the various charges against me and that the following meant that all he was doing was saying that I showed up and in 24 hrs would appear in Miami for the "official" arraignment. Then they sent me back into the holding cell, the Mexican man was gone now. I was alone again, well seemingly alone. I knew that God and His heavenly host was all around me bringing me peace and love.
Hours went by again and finally an officer came and led me up the elevator, not in shackles this time, which was a good sign. We came to the 3rd floor of the building and to an office, where a woman gave me a huge stack of papers to sign and asked me if I had a ride home. Home? I was not being held! Thank God! I told her no and she let me use the phone to call a cab to get back to my car. When I made it outside to wait for the cab, it was almost dark. By the time I reached my car, it was 7pm. 12 hrs had gone by since I first arrived at the Secret Service building. Now I had to be in Miami the following day to be in court for my arraignment there.... Where was this going to take me?
The time had come to make the transfer to the Federal Court House, which was across town. I was cuffed and lead to the side entrance of the building where another agent had a SUV waiting for us. I was lead in the back and given a type of "rights" that I'd never heard before. The agent that sat in the back with me held his gun to me and asked me if I planned to injure him or his partner, to which I replied, NO! Then he informed me if I tried to do anything, he would shoot me on the spot and that it would be in protection of his and his partners safety. I had never heard of this one before, but you don't argue with a man who is pointing a gun at you, which he kept pointed at me the entire 30 minute drive. That was a blast...NOT!
When we arrived to the Federal Building, I was escorted to a holding cell, which is basically a room with a bench all the way along three sides of the room and a toilet in the corner. So I had nothing to do but wait, this I would soon learn was the way of the Feds, wait! I had arrived at the Secret Service office at 7am and was escorted to the Federal Building by 9am. I was waiting to see the Judge for an arraignment which basically means that I get to hear what I'm charged with and what my rights are. Then I would be transferred to Miami, where the case originated. So there I waited and prayed and praised. A lot of things were going through my head at that time, but most of the things were prayers of thanksgiving that the situation wasn't worse. For example, the Secret Service didn't have to let me turn myself in, they could have had the Marshalls come and storm my house and get me like a fugitive, which I would soon find out is very common.
So I waited and waited and waited. At some point I had actually fell asleep, well passed out would be a better term for it. But when I opened my eyes next there was a Mexican man sitting across from me, starring at me. Then he smiled, a toothless smile at me and said, Hola. I merely replied Hola and began to pray again. Now I was praying that this man doesn't go crazy and attack me. But suddenly God began to speak to me and show me that He loves this man too, so I began to pray for peace in his life. But I was still worried that this guy might want to hurt me in some way! Man, judgment comes so easily for me!
After and eternity, a man in a suit comes out into the hall and calls for me. I stand and am re-shackled and led into the courtroom. We are literally underground, there are no windows and no clocks, I have no idea what time of day it is or anything. All I do know is that it has been forever, I haven't eaten at all today, I haven't had anything to drink since 7am and I don't know if I'll ever make it home. I
I walk in and sit where the man tells me to sit and there in front of me is a very high bench with a judge sitting there glaring at me, yet another criminal. I wasn't prepped for this and had no lawyer, I was totally lost. Yet in that moment, I wasn't afraid, I felt warm and peaceful. The judge uttered some very official words in a language foreign to me, English, yet foreign. I would later find out that those words were the various charges against me and that the following meant that all he was doing was saying that I showed up and in 24 hrs would appear in Miami for the "official" arraignment. Then they sent me back into the holding cell, the Mexican man was gone now. I was alone again, well seemingly alone. I knew that God and His heavenly host was all around me bringing me peace and love.
Hours went by again and finally an officer came and led me up the elevator, not in shackles this time, which was a good sign. We came to the 3rd floor of the building and to an office, where a woman gave me a huge stack of papers to sign and asked me if I had a ride home. Home? I was not being held! Thank God! I told her no and she let me use the phone to call a cab to get back to my car. When I made it outside to wait for the cab, it was almost dark. By the time I reached my car, it was 7pm. 12 hrs had gone by since I first arrived at the Secret Service building. Now I had to be in Miami the following day to be in court for my arraignment there.... Where was this going to take me?
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Incident
I had finally decided to live the life of a seeker, seeking Christ and His beauty(Psalm 27:4)! God had me, I'm taken, He has ravished my heart. Things were only improving at the time, money was getting better and I was saving more of it. Got a brand new car, great apartment, great church, great family, growth was the word for the season. One night we had a youth get together at my brother's house, so I just spent the night with him, when I got home the next morning there was a business card on my door. When I first looked at it, it looked fake. It said Secret Service and the name on the front was scratched out along with the number and a new one was written on the back.
My mind was reeling, was this some sort of joke? So as I got ready for work I called the number on the back just to see what it was all about. Several things were flowing through my mind as I dialed the number, this could be about my oldest brother, who had been in a lot of trouble through out the years, perhaps it was one of those joke message services like "the rejection hot line" that would tell me that I wasn't cool enough to talk to. Then it began to ring...then another ring, it felt like hours were passing in between each ring and finally an answer. "Hello" the man said, "This is Agent Sean." So I explained who I was and that I had received a card with his name on the back of it. He said, "Yes, I left it there" wow he really was wanting to talk to me! He asked if we could meet up in the next hour and I told him that I was headed to work, but we could meet afterward. So we meet on the deck of the restaurant I was working at at the time and there it was, my past all in a nice little binder.
Flash backs of all the craziness and the parties and people, the horrible things I'd done. He had informed me that a friend of mine had been arrested along with my old roommate, both for wire fraud and they both pointed to me. The one said I was the mastermind behind a multi-million dollar operation. I was floored, I had put all this behind me and besides, they were involved much more than I was anyways. He asked for a statement, so I told him all that I could remember and they came over and searched my house and car. When they did that, they were convinced that I was no criminal mastermind! I asked what is going to happen to me, he told me that was up to the people in Miami since that is where I was living at the time of "the incident." I thanked him for coming out to my house, who thanks the Secret Service for searching their house? Me, that's who! Then they left and left me at my house, they didn't arrest me?!? I was totally confused!
I was a mess, what did this mean for me? People close to me told me that if they had really wanted me they would have taken me. So a little time passed, a week or two and nothing, then some more time and finally about eight months had passed. I was thinking everyone is right, if they had wanted me they would have already taken me. Besides I was no "major criminal" or anything like that, I made a mistake, who hasn't?
Just when all was normal, or as close to normal as could be, I got the call. It was a Friday afternoon, Agent Sean called to tell me that a FEDERAL WARRANT had been issued for my arrest and to stay in for the weekend and I could come to his office Monday and turn myself in... How was God going to save me from this one?
My mind was reeling, was this some sort of joke? So as I got ready for work I called the number on the back just to see what it was all about. Several things were flowing through my mind as I dialed the number, this could be about my oldest brother, who had been in a lot of trouble through out the years, perhaps it was one of those joke message services like "the rejection hot line" that would tell me that I wasn't cool enough to talk to. Then it began to ring...then another ring, it felt like hours were passing in between each ring and finally an answer. "Hello" the man said, "This is Agent Sean." So I explained who I was and that I had received a card with his name on the back of it. He said, "Yes, I left it there" wow he really was wanting to talk to me! He asked if we could meet up in the next hour and I told him that I was headed to work, but we could meet afterward. So we meet on the deck of the restaurant I was working at at the time and there it was, my past all in a nice little binder.
Flash backs of all the craziness and the parties and people, the horrible things I'd done. He had informed me that a friend of mine had been arrested along with my old roommate, both for wire fraud and they both pointed to me. The one said I was the mastermind behind a multi-million dollar operation. I was floored, I had put all this behind me and besides, they were involved much more than I was anyways. He asked for a statement, so I told him all that I could remember and they came over and searched my house and car. When they did that, they were convinced that I was no criminal mastermind! I asked what is going to happen to me, he told me that was up to the people in Miami since that is where I was living at the time of "the incident." I thanked him for coming out to my house, who thanks the Secret Service for searching their house? Me, that's who! Then they left and left me at my house, they didn't arrest me?!? I was totally confused!
I was a mess, what did this mean for me? People close to me told me that if they had really wanted me they would have taken me. So a little time passed, a week or two and nothing, then some more time and finally about eight months had passed. I was thinking everyone is right, if they had wanted me they would have already taken me. Besides I was no "major criminal" or anything like that, I made a mistake, who hasn't?
Just when all was normal, or as close to normal as could be, I got the call. It was a Friday afternoon, Agent Sean called to tell me that a FEDERAL WARRANT had been issued for my arrest and to stay in for the weekend and I could come to his office Monday and turn myself in... How was God going to save me from this one?
Friday, March 19, 2010
Cut To The Quick
This a continuation of my previous blog, Razor's Edge.
I had finally decided that I would try God on for size and see what He would do for me, so I went on a fast. The preparation time for this 3 day fast was about 2 months. I wanted to go about it the right way, so I began to eliminate one thing from my habits a week, until the actual fast. As part of the preparation process, I also wrote down a list of all my sins and a list of all the people that I had offended or had offended me, I had to set this all right. That was a difficult and long process, but it began the process of setting me free! On the day of the fast, I made 2 gallons of juice, both fruit and vegetable, I was ready for 3 days of only liquid!
All was going well and God was moving on my behalf, even though I still wasn't living according to His word, He was reeling me in. I was still pretending at this point, I was on the roller coaster of relationship going through moments of inspiration, condemnation and re-dedication. I hadn't learned that God loved and desired a relationship with me no matter my circumstances. I was still under the impression that God was somehow surprised or offended by my behavior. It was pretty ugly. I had done it again, messed with the wrong people and this time gotten drunk and high and messed around with someone who was dating a friend of mine, some friend I was. I was so made with my actions, I was tired of playing this game with God, I got mad and did what I did best, got wasted! I was belligerent, I was having it all out with Him, cursing Him and telling Him what I thought. Finally I screamed out to Him, "If you want me dead, kill me!"
Suddenly images began to flash through my mind of times that I should have died and didn't. For example, http://jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/112699/met_1355437.html. This is the link to a story of a former friend of mine, we were both working the restaurant that night and I happened to park in the front parking lot, which I never did. So when we were leaving, he went out the back and I went out the front. I got in my car and drove away.
When they were rebuilding the bridge in Panama City, Florida, I used to live there and work on the beach. I had to cross that bridge no less than 2 times a day. One evening while we were "celebrating" a friends graduation, I took several anti-anxiety pills and drank over a 12 pack of beer by myself. I then proceeded to get in my truck and drive home. On the way I decided to kill myself and drive off the bridge, which wouldn't have been too difficult seeing that there were no guard rails to stop me. I couldn't even turn the wheel, then at the top of the bridge I blacked out and made the 10 mile drive home safely!
There are many more instances, but these are just two of the examples of how God kept me safe. That moment was so hard to understand, God wanted me alive! God wanted me here! God wanted me! It began to break my paradigm of how things were and who God is. He had become personal and to know that He loved me like this really did cut to the quick!
I had finally decided that I would try God on for size and see what He would do for me, so I went on a fast. The preparation time for this 3 day fast was about 2 months. I wanted to go about it the right way, so I began to eliminate one thing from my habits a week, until the actual fast. As part of the preparation process, I also wrote down a list of all my sins and a list of all the people that I had offended or had offended me, I had to set this all right. That was a difficult and long process, but it began the process of setting me free! On the day of the fast, I made 2 gallons of juice, both fruit and vegetable, I was ready for 3 days of only liquid!
All was going well and God was moving on my behalf, even though I still wasn't living according to His word, He was reeling me in. I was still pretending at this point, I was on the roller coaster of relationship going through moments of inspiration, condemnation and re-dedication. I hadn't learned that God loved and desired a relationship with me no matter my circumstances. I was still under the impression that God was somehow surprised or offended by my behavior. It was pretty ugly. I had done it again, messed with the wrong people and this time gotten drunk and high and messed around with someone who was dating a friend of mine, some friend I was. I was so made with my actions, I was tired of playing this game with God, I got mad and did what I did best, got wasted! I was belligerent, I was having it all out with Him, cursing Him and telling Him what I thought. Finally I screamed out to Him, "If you want me dead, kill me!"
Suddenly images began to flash through my mind of times that I should have died and didn't. For example, http://jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/112699/met_1355437.html. This is the link to a story of a former friend of mine, we were both working the restaurant that night and I happened to park in the front parking lot, which I never did. So when we were leaving, he went out the back and I went out the front. I got in my car and drove away.
When they were rebuilding the bridge in Panama City, Florida, I used to live there and work on the beach. I had to cross that bridge no less than 2 times a day. One evening while we were "celebrating" a friends graduation, I took several anti-anxiety pills and drank over a 12 pack of beer by myself. I then proceeded to get in my truck and drive home. On the way I decided to kill myself and drive off the bridge, which wouldn't have been too difficult seeing that there were no guard rails to stop me. I couldn't even turn the wheel, then at the top of the bridge I blacked out and made the 10 mile drive home safely!
There are many more instances, but these are just two of the examples of how God kept me safe. That moment was so hard to understand, God wanted me alive! God wanted me here! God wanted me! It began to break my paradigm of how things were and who God is. He had become personal and to know that He loved me like this really did cut to the quick!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
RAZOR'S EDGE
I recently got a book called, RAZOR'S EDGE by Bob Armstrong. Bob is an amazing man with a heart after God, he has served the Lord in many different capacities in many different countries. I had the wonderful pleasure of having a rather close relationship with Mr. Armstrong for a year... Unfortunately we had to meet at the Federal Prison Camp in Estill, SC.
When I received his book, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, Bob is a very brilliant man and most unpredictable! It didn't take long for me to see that this was about his experience in prison. The further I got into the book, the more I realized just how different our experiences were. For example, I was in prison because I had done illegal things with people's information. He on the other hand was in a business with a dishonest man and sadly enough both had to pay the price for the work of one man.
I want to open the door a little bit more into what life is like behind the barbed wire. My journey really began in Miami in January of 2006. I was a total cocaine addict and would snort basically anything that was powder. I was up to an eight ball a day (3 1/2 grams). I was also a raging alcoholic, I did the drugs not only to have a good time, but also to stay coherent enough to work and just live. I was a mess, an expensive mess.
One day a guy who I worked with invited me out for a drink after work. He asked me if I wanted to make some extra money and of coarse I said, "YES!" He let me in on his "little secret" to making extra cash. All I had to do was collect and share people's information. In fact I didn't even need to know the information, just collect and transport. Easy right? I was thinking, Man! This will pay for all the drugs I want, every night is going to be fabulous!
That lasted about 3 months and I had had enough. I was so overtaken by guilt, I just couldn't stand myself any longer. I was also out of control, I hated myself and my life. I remember being in the bathroom at work smoking crystal meth and I looked into the mirror and remembered the 16 year old kid who wanted to be a minister. Where had he gone? Who was I? Where was God?
I moved back home to Fernandina, Florida in April of 2006. My life was in total shambles. Praise God that my brother, James and my sister-in-law Jessica took me in and put up with me. I soon found a job and things were getting better. I had started to come back to church a little and I was beginning to play around with the idea of God being real and out there somewhere. In about 3 months I was to a point where I was able to move out on my own again.
I was doing "good" for a while, I was clean, sober and even managed to quite smoking. It just wasn't lasting, without Christ! It reminds me of Matthew 12:43-45
43"When an evil[f] spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
This is the condition of trying on our own to fix the problem without Christ. I started smoking and then drinking and finally drugs all over. I was still attending church, often still drunk and high from the previous night. It was all a game, but little did I know that God was about to invade my life...with His love!
When I received his book, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, Bob is a very brilliant man and most unpredictable! It didn't take long for me to see that this was about his experience in prison. The further I got into the book, the more I realized just how different our experiences were. For example, I was in prison because I had done illegal things with people's information. He on the other hand was in a business with a dishonest man and sadly enough both had to pay the price for the work of one man.
I want to open the door a little bit more into what life is like behind the barbed wire. My journey really began in Miami in January of 2006. I was a total cocaine addict and would snort basically anything that was powder. I was up to an eight ball a day (3 1/2 grams). I was also a raging alcoholic, I did the drugs not only to have a good time, but also to stay coherent enough to work and just live. I was a mess, an expensive mess.
One day a guy who I worked with invited me out for a drink after work. He asked me if I wanted to make some extra money and of coarse I said, "YES!" He let me in on his "little secret" to making extra cash. All I had to do was collect and share people's information. In fact I didn't even need to know the information, just collect and transport. Easy right? I was thinking, Man! This will pay for all the drugs I want, every night is going to be fabulous!
That lasted about 3 months and I had had enough. I was so overtaken by guilt, I just couldn't stand myself any longer. I was also out of control, I hated myself and my life. I remember being in the bathroom at work smoking crystal meth and I looked into the mirror and remembered the 16 year old kid who wanted to be a minister. Where had he gone? Who was I? Where was God?
I moved back home to Fernandina, Florida in April of 2006. My life was in total shambles. Praise God that my brother, James and my sister-in-law Jessica took me in and put up with me. I soon found a job and things were getting better. I had started to come back to church a little and I was beginning to play around with the idea of God being real and out there somewhere. In about 3 months I was to a point where I was able to move out on my own again.
I was doing "good" for a while, I was clean, sober and even managed to quite smoking. It just wasn't lasting, without Christ! It reminds me of Matthew 12:43-45
43"When an evil[f] spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
This is the condition of trying on our own to fix the problem without Christ. I started smoking and then drinking and finally drugs all over. I was still attending church, often still drunk and high from the previous night. It was all a game, but little did I know that God was about to invade my life...with His love!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Independant Loaners
Independence and liberty are two of the most important things to most nations, whether or not individually we realize it. Nations rise and fall all for the pursuit of independence and liberty. That is a desire that God gave us and rightly so, the only problem is that independence and liberty with out God is a perversion. We have to be solely dependent on God to gain independence, we have to stand under God's authority to gain liberty. All through the blood of Jesus! Praise God!
What is spurring this thought of liberty and independence is how we have compartmentalized ourselves as a Body, notice the word there, Body. We, together corporately are the Body, not individually. We have divided ourselves based on trivial things, you like contemporary music go here, you like hymnals go there, you believe this and I believe that, so instead of coming together on the thing that makes us the same, Christ, we separate. Look around you at all the little and big independent "churches," I'm not judging them or anything, I'm actively involved in a "church," I use the word church in this way because we are just a tiny part of His Church, we aren't by ourselves the Church only together in unity are we the Church.
Romans 12:4-6 (New International Version)
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.
Let me reemphasize the fact that this is an unfolding revelation to me and not in judgement, I desire for us to come together in unity! The enemy is working very hard to keep us divided for one simple reason...
Matthew 12:25
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
Mark 3:25
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
So what he is doing is telling us your better than them because your worship leader is "more anointed" or can sing better. Then we buy into it and divide ourselves to chase our own thing and we forget the word or the dream in the beginning! With all this happening we begin to look at one another with some sort of spiritual superiority, like we are bigger and better, just like the Pharisee's. Then comes the harsh judgement and the back biting and the slander, especially when something happens and some one "falls" or something.
The Church corporately is a joke to most Americans. We think that it is because all these people have made mistakes and made us look bad. We are sadly mistaken, just read the Bible, read about David, Solomon. Division is what is made us a joke. That one that "fell," were we praying for them and lifting them up with blessings before the "fall?" We can't come together on anything but attacking our brother whenever they do make a mistake. Let's begin to come together! You have a dream and lack the resources? I know I do. But if we come together and share our dreams, visions, and resources think about how much more we can accomplish! No longer will we be crushed by the weight of trying to carry it all by ourselves, when we weren't created for that. We will be able to do greater things, bigger things, if run together.
God has given me a huge dream and a bigger vision! It is exciting and exhilarating. At the same time, I have some great restrictions, I have an 80,000 dollar debt for a mistake I made, I can't find a full time job, everything I have is either given or loaned to me and the list goes on. Looking at all this it is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I know that I serve the God of the universe, the One who spoke it all into existence and nothing is outside of His control and He is a good Father, who desires to give us good gifts. Do I really think that He is going to pour money from heaven on me and let me try to run this thing alone? No. The fact of the matter is that when God first called His people Israel, they were one clan, one people. God was their king and ruler, but they wanted a man to rule over them and He gave them the desire of their heart, even though it wasn't His will and look what happened.... Division! Then when Christ came and gave the great commission and the first apostles went out they again began to bring the Body together in unity, every one bringing all they own together to care for one another, no one was without, all needs were met. That is how He designed it...Ecclesia- an assembly of citizens, this is the Greek word for church working together in koinonia- fellowship, actually sharing their lives in a covenant relationship, a brotherhood.
Acts 2:42 (New International Version)
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
Beloved, I pray that this might pierce our stony hearts and move us towards one another, let's cut covenant and run together. Let's see what God can do when His people move together as one people!
Deuteronomy 32:30
How could one chase a thousand,
And two put ten thousand to flight,
Unless their Rock had sold them,
And the LORD had surrendered them?
What is spurring this thought of liberty and independence is how we have compartmentalized ourselves as a Body, notice the word there, Body. We, together corporately are the Body, not individually. We have divided ourselves based on trivial things, you like contemporary music go here, you like hymnals go there, you believe this and I believe that, so instead of coming together on the thing that makes us the same, Christ, we separate. Look around you at all the little and big independent "churches," I'm not judging them or anything, I'm actively involved in a "church," I use the word church in this way because we are just a tiny part of His Church, we aren't by ourselves the Church only together in unity are we the Church.
Romans 12:4-6 (New International Version)
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.
Let me reemphasize the fact that this is an unfolding revelation to me and not in judgement, I desire for us to come together in unity! The enemy is working very hard to keep us divided for one simple reason...
Matthew 12:25
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
Mark 3:25
If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Luke 11:17
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.
So what he is doing is telling us your better than them because your worship leader is "more anointed" or can sing better. Then we buy into it and divide ourselves to chase our own thing and we forget the word or the dream in the beginning! With all this happening we begin to look at one another with some sort of spiritual superiority, like we are bigger and better, just like the Pharisee's. Then comes the harsh judgement and the back biting and the slander, especially when something happens and some one "falls" or something.
The Church corporately is a joke to most Americans. We think that it is because all these people have made mistakes and made us look bad. We are sadly mistaken, just read the Bible, read about David, Solomon. Division is what is made us a joke. That one that "fell," were we praying for them and lifting them up with blessings before the "fall?" We can't come together on anything but attacking our brother whenever they do make a mistake. Let's begin to come together! You have a dream and lack the resources? I know I do. But if we come together and share our dreams, visions, and resources think about how much more we can accomplish! No longer will we be crushed by the weight of trying to carry it all by ourselves, when we weren't created for that. We will be able to do greater things, bigger things, if run together.
God has given me a huge dream and a bigger vision! It is exciting and exhilarating. At the same time, I have some great restrictions, I have an 80,000 dollar debt for a mistake I made, I can't find a full time job, everything I have is either given or loaned to me and the list goes on. Looking at all this it is a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I know that I serve the God of the universe, the One who spoke it all into existence and nothing is outside of His control and He is a good Father, who desires to give us good gifts. Do I really think that He is going to pour money from heaven on me and let me try to run this thing alone? No. The fact of the matter is that when God first called His people Israel, they were one clan, one people. God was their king and ruler, but they wanted a man to rule over them and He gave them the desire of their heart, even though it wasn't His will and look what happened.... Division! Then when Christ came and gave the great commission and the first apostles went out they again began to bring the Body together in unity, every one bringing all they own together to care for one another, no one was without, all needs were met. That is how He designed it...Ecclesia- an assembly of citizens, this is the Greek word for church working together in koinonia- fellowship, actually sharing their lives in a covenant relationship, a brotherhood.
Acts 2:42 (New International Version)
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
Beloved, I pray that this might pierce our stony hearts and move us towards one another, let's cut covenant and run together. Let's see what God can do when His people move together as one people!
Deuteronomy 32:30
How could one chase a thousand,
And two put ten thousand to flight,
Unless their Rock had sold them,
And the LORD had surrendered them?
Judgment!!! Can We Handle It?
In today’s culture judgment is ingrained in us, everywhere you look, there are even entire programs devoted to judging and judgment. While God gave us judgment for good we have once again perverted it and use it incorrectly. God gave us judgment for accountability and to spur us into prayer. We must be careful of the things we are judging, they are usually the very things we struggle with.
The Word of God says not to judge according to one’s appearance in John 7:24 “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” The people in Jesus’ time were having a difficult time really believing that He was the Christ. They were expecting some big, fancy political leader to come and establish a kingdom in this world. They were not expecting the son of a carpenter from a little fishing town like Galilee. See in their incorrect judgment of the appearance, many missed the truth of who He really was and still is.
Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that you are not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. That makes it very clear, with the same ruler we use to judge other people, we will get judged. That is a tough pill to swallow for me because of the harsh way that I have judged people. In our attempt to make ourselves feel better or look better, we are down right nasty! God made us all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, style, taste, appearance and talents. This year I started watching American Idol for the first time. Here is the thing though, no matter what we may think of those people up there doing their best, God loves them and He loves the way they look and sing. In fact He loves the way all of us look and sing and well do everything else we do and that makes us all pretty equal in my book.
I absolutely love John 8 and my favorite part of that text is the very beginning. There is Jesus going alone to the Mount of Olives to pray no doubt. When He returns to the temple the scribes and Pharisees approach Him with a woman who was just caught in the “very act” of adultery. The law says that she is to be stoned in Leviticus 20:10 so they wanted to see what Jesus would do about this situation, they were trying to trick Him. This is so cool, when they threw this at Him he just stooped down and began to write something in the sand in His cool, calm and collective way. He didn’t say anything for some time and then He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” They were all convicted and left from the oldest to the youngest. Then He tells the woman that she is free to go cause no one accuses her and then He tells her to go and sin no more. Awesome! In this text we really get a good feel for how we are to respond to the world, love and compassion, setting captives free not condemning like the Pharisees’ and religious leaders of the day.
He continues later in the text in John 8:15-16 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one. And yet if I do judge, My judgment is true; for I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent Me. He shows us first by action what we are doing wrong and how to do it right then He says it, He always lives the example first. That is the most important thing is living the example. Sometimes we will be the only Bible people will look at or we’ll be the only Christ they see. We must live the example all the time or else we’ll loose them. Isaiah 58:6 tells us the “fast” that God has chosen for us is to undo the heavy burdens, let the oppressed go free and break every yoke. How can we do any of that if we are too busy judging people to get to know and love on them? So judgment....can we handle it?
The Word of God says not to judge according to one’s appearance in John 7:24 “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” The people in Jesus’ time were having a difficult time really believing that He was the Christ. They were expecting some big, fancy political leader to come and establish a kingdom in this world. They were not expecting the son of a carpenter from a little fishing town like Galilee. See in their incorrect judgment of the appearance, many missed the truth of who He really was and still is.
Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that you are not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. That makes it very clear, with the same ruler we use to judge other people, we will get judged. That is a tough pill to swallow for me because of the harsh way that I have judged people. In our attempt to make ourselves feel better or look better, we are down right nasty! God made us all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, style, taste, appearance and talents. This year I started watching American Idol for the first time. Here is the thing though, no matter what we may think of those people up there doing their best, God loves them and He loves the way they look and sing. In fact He loves the way all of us look and sing and well do everything else we do and that makes us all pretty equal in my book.
I absolutely love John 8 and my favorite part of that text is the very beginning. There is Jesus going alone to the Mount of Olives to pray no doubt. When He returns to the temple the scribes and Pharisees approach Him with a woman who was just caught in the “very act” of adultery. The law says that she is to be stoned in Leviticus 20:10 so they wanted to see what Jesus would do about this situation, they were trying to trick Him. This is so cool, when they threw this at Him he just stooped down and began to write something in the sand in His cool, calm and collective way. He didn’t say anything for some time and then He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” They were all convicted and left from the oldest to the youngest. Then He tells the woman that she is free to go cause no one accuses her and then He tells her to go and sin no more. Awesome! In this text we really get a good feel for how we are to respond to the world, love and compassion, setting captives free not condemning like the Pharisees’ and religious leaders of the day.
He continues later in the text in John 8:15-16 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one. And yet if I do judge, My judgment is true; for I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent Me. He shows us first by action what we are doing wrong and how to do it right then He says it, He always lives the example first. That is the most important thing is living the example. Sometimes we will be the only Bible people will look at or we’ll be the only Christ they see. We must live the example all the time or else we’ll loose them. Isaiah 58:6 tells us the “fast” that God has chosen for us is to undo the heavy burdens, let the oppressed go free and break every yoke. How can we do any of that if we are too busy judging people to get to know and love on them? So judgment....can we handle it?
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